No. 250 - August 2008

Although it is great to be back in the forefront of one of my all time favourite magazines, it isn’t in the sort of circumstances I would have liked to have made a return, and certainly not anything that I can call a happy one.

Some may already know, most will not, that editor Rod is not at all well having succumbed to the illness he looked as if he was well over this time last year. Some of you have already emailed and written in and I have passed on the many letters wishing goodwill and let us all hope he makes a speedy recovery.

For the short term at least I will be acting editor, a job that has been made easy for me, as all I have to do is follow the superb standards that have been set out over the last four years or so by Rod. Added to this is my enthusiasm for the period that is covered by CMM, a time that is very dear to me, having started racing as a 16-year-old during the latter part of the 70s and, as the 80s rolled into view, as a mechanic and technician. This gave me a ringside seat of the modern classic scene as it grew and evolved, a superb insight into, and view of, the great machines that make up the remit of this magazine.

Where have I been, I faintly hear one reader cry? Well, for the last couple of years I have been seconded to work as editor on CMM’s sister title, Used Bike Guide, but I have kept a close eye on, and good contact with, the modern classic scene. I still own a few oldies too and intend to get some of them out over the upcoming months, hopefully meeting up with you guys in the process too.

Chris Pearson
Acting Editor Classic Motorcycle Mechanics

IMPORTANT NEWS CORRECTION - VJMV RALLY

Apologies from Classic Motorcycle Mechanics, unlike it states in the August issue of the news section, The VJMC annual Rally in Kettering over the first weekend of August (1st – 3rd) is for VJMC members only so please don’t turn up unless you are a member.

Rod's Bikeisaurus

We are still looking for further contributions to our Bikeisaurus of engineering terms, send them to the usual address below.

"It's a dooferlater" ~ Ascribed to a part, tool, item, piece of kit that neither you nor anyone else knows what it's purpose, oigin or use is. Usually put back where it came from because it will "Do for later"
• Mark, New Zealand

Doofer ~ an anonymous tool just out of reach at a critical moment. As in....... "oh hell, quick, pass me that doofer.

Firkin ~ international measurement of over or under size. As in....."these rings are too firkin small!"

Crud ~ any extraneous matter that stops a bike functioning. Crud is often found in carb float bowls, electrical connections, behind piston rings etc.

Trousered ~ a term of positive recognition or approval i.e. "I say that Suzuki Cobra is exceptionally well trousered".

Rivet counter ~ one who professes a deep knowledge of a particular marque or model; very often a numpty who actually know four fifths of nine tenths of sweet FA! Latin name ludicrous intelligentii

Numpty ~ a novice, a new boy; one who makes repeated mistakes but tries hard.
Latin name stumblus stupidicous

Anorak ~ c.f. with rivet counter. The anorak actually does have a deep knowledge of a particular marque or model. Latin name knowledgeable irritatia

Cagoule ~ The highest rank attainable by an anorak. Often recognised by academic beard and strange clothing . Latin name twaticus adnauseum

Crappite ~ a metal of mixed properties and always the wrong ones; either to hard or too soft depending on applications and desirability.

Monkey metal ~ a cheap alloy of aluminium, zinc and other non-ferrous metals that quickly corrodes. Not to be confused with Kawasakium which is said to exist but has a half life measured in micro seconds and has never been properly isolated.
• Above 10 thanks to Lou Spokes

Universal Adjuster – Hammer (or hide mallet for the sophisticated bodger).
• Rick Mortlock

Gizzintae [scots coll.] something that goes into something else
Round the world twice ..refering to the dubious eastern european tyres that apparently are made of plastic
Temporary Australian   what the medical services here call bikers
Cheque book biker  someone with more money than sense when it comes to buying that elusive yamahonduki 127cc peice of crap no one else would touch
Boat anchor  any bike thats as useless as it is ugly  as in "it l make a good...."
Hardly rideable  derogatory term for those denisons  of Vtwin technology [see above]
7. a rake of ... more than one  ..as in  "we ve a rake of those .."
F===it tool  the extendable magnetic tool that sticks to everything except the bit your trying to reclaim after dropping it down your camchain tunnel
• Thanks to Jimmy ,Shelley and Joel for the above!

Good Runner...
You've got to be to start it.
Full Service History..
Washed it last week..
Original...
Was knackered when I bought it ..Still is.
One owner...
After another..
Low mileage...
This time around..
Future Classic...
No one bought one new because they were cr*p
Just needs tidying to finish..
Needs engine, electrics, documentation.
Collectors item...
Asking 3k more than its worth..
Crowd puller ...
What the f**k is that heap.
Basket case...
You have to be to buy it..

All original...       ....by make!
Honda = stops when it rains..
Suzuki = still has the sticker warning that the brakes may be impaired when wet.
Kawasaki = Oh sh*t a corner what do I do now..
Suzuki = (Especially fond memories of every GT250 you saw) Still has the rusty dragging chain from the 70's.
* Thanks to Mark N for the above entries!

Percussive Miantenance.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of something to get it to work again.
* Thanks to Asger Steffensen for the above entry!

Yokahama Crashmasters. In the seventies Yokahama tyres were referred to as Yokahama Crashmasters due to there very hard compounds which were not suited to uk climate. First job was always to replace with tt100 or similar.
* Thanks to Paul Jacques for the above entry!

FVQ's. Used to describe cheap suspension, derived from the "Fade Very Quickly" rear shockers on Honda Superdreams.
* Thanks to Stu Lane for the above entry!

Fag Packet Setting. To set the points gap without feeler gauges, you'd use a bit of ripped off fag packet as a rough setting.
* Thanks to Stu Lane for the above entry!

Hero Knobs. These are the little dangly bits on some footrests that must show signs of scraping to show maximum lean in bends.
* Thanks to Stu Lane for the above entry!

High Torque. How you speak after tapping yourself in the tools accidently.
* Thanks to Stu Lane for the above entry!

Tools. The parts of your anatomy that are prone to accidental damage, especially on early bikes with tall fuel tank / low seat / sudden stop combination.
* Thanks to Stu Lane for the above entry!

Oh F***. The technical term used when something goes wrong, like stripping a thread or finding a gudgeon pin circlip on the bench after completing an engine rebuild.
* Thanks to Stu Lane for the above entry!

Fifty pencing - Driving around a corner in several arcs instead of one smooth arc. (junior rider stuff)
* Thanks to Kevin S for the above entry!

Boiler - Its used by 70's bikers in North Wiltshire for the Suzuki GT750 watercooled. None of that wimpy "Kettle" stuff for us boys in wiltshire. "I ride a boiler", we all knew wot we mean't from rider to dealers.
* Thanks to Derek F for the above entry!

Chicken strips - unworn strips of rubber on tyres
* Submitted by: Stuart T

Sneery - as in “it’ll do, ‘sneery nuff!”
Jimell – any large lump hammer – jim’ll fix it.
* Thanks to Mal for the above entry!

Electric Boot - electric starter
* Thanks to Matthew G for the above entry!

A Prick in a Shirtsleeve - Anything of a poor engineering fit , also relevant to worn pistons / cylinder bores
* Thanks to Pete L for the above entry!

Donor Bike – A new and very fast bike purchased by a ‘born again’ biker who probably won’t need certain body parts in the near future.
Teflon Superslides – The type of tyre fitted to most early Japanese motorcycles in the 70’s.
Desmodromic Piston – What you have in your engine for a short while should you fail to set the valve timing correctly.
Suck, squeeze, bang, blow – The perfect end to an evening in the garage!
* Thanks to Tony B for the above entries!

Barnsley screwdriver: Lump hammer.
Bling: A highly reflective finish much
favoured by motorcycle restorers for paint and brightwork.
Dearth: A scarcity. Opposite of plethora.
Embassy packet: Measurement in precision engineering. “The bore measures about the same as an Embassy packet held sideways.”
Gnat’s cock hair: Measurement in precision engineering. “I’ve machined a gnat’s cock hair off the piston, but it’s still tight in the bore.”
Goosed: See Shot.
Nail: (Noun) motorcycle in poor condition (see Shed); (verb) to fit a component: “I’ve nailed a set of lumpy cams in but it still runs like a dog.”
Old nail: Vintage motorcycle of questionable mechanical reliability. Anything with side valves.
Plethora: An abundance. Opposite of dearth.
Right nail: Motorcycle lacking in design elegance. “That new model GZXR750VFF throws a wobbly at the hint of a bend. It’s a right nail.”
Shed: A dearth of bling.
Smidgeon: Measurement in precision engineering. Bigger than a gnat’s cock hair but smaller than an Embassy packet.
Stuff: Plural of thing.
Tappometer: See Barnsley Screwdriver.
Tart’s handbag: A plethora of bling.
Thing: Singular of stuff.
Unobtanium: Rare metal. “Can’t get them any more mate, they’re made from unobtanium.”

• Add your phrases to our online Bikeisaurus by emailing:
Bikeisaurus@classicmechanics.com